a heart's a heavy burden
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| 📍 SMTown COEX Artium back in 2017 |
Life as we all know won't be the same. It may look a little harmless for those who have full faith on it, but even the believer are kept constantly being tested with different kind of trials meant to shape us into something we in deem need to have it or such when we want to pursue our life goals.
Just like the seasons that keep changing (except for Malaysia, kalau bukan panas terik tetiba ribut hujan lebat dengan anginnya kuat), a person preference on something may also changed. For instance, this year I've gotten myself into more readings especially under the self-help books. For my style and recent book hunting needs, I chose some sort of a fictional or non-fictional of the isi tersirat dia hanya mata hati kita yang tahu book to go. To name a few and my recent reading, it was Paulo Coelho's 'The Alchemist' gifted by my mom's friend last year for my graduation ceremony.
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| 📍 mr. google |
As what I usually does starting this year with my bullet journal therapy when I'm reading a book (depends with that type of genre and the lessons taught in it), I wrote a few quotes as a guidance for me whenever I feel like referring to it to keeps me going in my moments. This book was the first book that had me going into a second reading back to page one because of how some part of its wisdom got me shooketh.
In this post, I will share the selected quotes and elaborate a little bit of what I've learned from it.
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| 📍 tumblr |
Paulo shared this during an interview with Laura Sheahen on the extra notes after he ended the story of Santiago. I didn't see that coming that even for an interview something like this it could struck my major belief on myself.
The universe is full of wonders, because the Almighty has created it or us to learn and understand more about it. But, how about some few events from our past, present or future life that left us with so many thoughts? I can't lie to myself that there are so many questions in my past events that leads me to become overthinking of the future.
Later, I allowed myself to do the 'how can that happen' and 'why does it have to happen' of the past without letting my own heart to be at peace at present with the 'what can I do about it' dilemma. It's a silent killer to even go deeper beyond what we can achieve, when we all know there's nothing we can change of the past if we don't allow ourselves to break free from it.
Paulo saying that he learned to respect whatever unanswered questions lingering around his head and heart lead us to the second point of, 'what can we do about it then?'
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| 📍 pinterest |
History was often forgotten by mankind because we tend to live in the future. It's okay to be visionary, yet we still have our present to be taken care of.
For instance, a person who taught they might do bad with their examination may find it hard for them to focus on their live moments because they were too attached of their past for getting lower marks in few subjects. Your heart was stapled by your past experience, thus causing you to underestimate of your own ability to do an improvement with your present self that will slowly but surely help to build up your future self.
The alchemist said to the boy that the fear of suffering is better than the suffering itself (pg. 135) which indicates that, it's okay to be scared of the unknown but never allow it to overtake your faith in yourself. After all, the only one who opens up our heart to the vulnerable feelings and experiences are ourselves that was indirectly appointed by the divine power.
Okay for this, the need and want can be varies according to one's situation. Allow me to share on my own personal experience (dear present self), no matter how much I want to be a full time writer yet Allah has grant me with a big amanah as a teacher. To be honest, things are not as easy for someone who doesn't came from the core educational study background, but maybe there are something that Allah needs me to go after amidst of pursuing with what I want in life.
For now, the only thing that helps me to keep holding on is that first, I want and can become a good writer by doing as many book reading and keep on writing while having to do my tugas hakiki at its best (KDC batch kami pun tahun depan baru ada, doakan saya kuat please). The key is to be flexible with time. In fact, we all need to be flexible with life.
Secondly, I keep reminding myself that Allah is always working something on my life journey right now despite of how many setbacks that I've experienced. It's like a pure reminder that, who am I without the Almighty? I believe that He won't just let me to have this strong feeling and instinct to be in love with writing without any reasons to start with. He will eventually send something or someone to give help along the way in achieving one's dream. For as long as they believe in their self, there's no stopping them towards what their heart wants.
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'When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better, everything around us becomes better too.'
I see the miracle on believing that life starts in our present and when we focus on it, everything around us becomes better (forgot which part of the book is it about because mom's friend paraphrase this on the titled page).
I've learned in a hard way that not everything that we want we can have it straight forward on the first place. But, nz keeps on reminding me during my setbacks that it's the little effort that matters will eventually lead you to places. So, I try to write few draft while doing some more readings on the theme preference for me to uphold. Reading Ikagai before has taught me that the most important thing for you is to do something you love in consistent. No matter how big or small it is for as long as you keep believing that you can do it in your heart.
'In his pursuit of the dream, he was being constantly subjected to tests of his persistence and courage. So he could not be hasty, nor impatient. If he pushed forward impulsively, he would fail to see the omens left by God along his path' (pg. 85), from this part, one must learn to take a step by little step of their effort on something a little bit easily. If we were to be in such rush over something, things might fall down easily and quickly without you realizing. If we were to just let ourselves to follow the flow without having any little effort to become better as our own person, it's like allowing ourselves closer of getting drowned.
Thus, take it easy and remind your heart to be at peace for everything has been well written by the divine hand since the moment you were made in the alam roh.
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| 📍 hawkeyedriza's tumblr |
'Treason is a blow that comes unexpectedly. If you know your heart well, it will never be able to do that to you. Because you'll know its dreams and wishes, and will know how to deal with them.
You will never be able to escape from your heart. So it's better to listen to what it has to stay. That way you'll never have to fear an unanticipated blow.' (pg. 124)
A heart's a heavy burden, Sophie of Howl's Moving Castle (2004) says. Apart from referring to a person's love to someone, we all have episodes of our heart and mind going for a fight on each other. The overthinker vs. the melancholic. It's tiring, isn't it?
The moment I decided to choose the path towards my dream, this special intuitive soft force starts flowing inside me and leads me to where I am right now. It may still look like all blurry, but I can feel deep in my heart that this is what I was meant for. I go after it by polishing whatever skills I need (plus with all the unexpected blow), for as long as I stick with what my heart has to say and tell.
Because, the more we listen to our heart, the more we can understand about ourselves: its strength and weakness that motivates us to get what it needs and wants.
So does the vice versa. For you to listen to your heart, you must try to learn to understand yourself first. It may seems selfish, but it's the only way to make sure your core belief and faith are not shaken by others' thoughts while trying to be the best version of yourself.
Ambil yang jernih, buang yang keruh. Setiap kelebihan itu datang dari yang Maha Esa, sementelah yang kurang itu datangnya dari kelemahan saya sendiri sebagai seorang insan yang masih perlu terus belajar. Once again, stay safe everyone and may Allah bless.
*I have shared one of my short review via my book reading and other writing alternative platform via insta at bbliowndrwrtr_ on this one. You can check it by clicking on the u/n given (indirectly self-promoting myself lol).
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