Dealing with Lost

Kehidupan ini penuh dengan seribu satu macam misteri yang hanya Tuhan sahaja tahu percaturan hidup kita. Sebagai manusia pula walaupun kita sudah dikurniakan akal fikiran yang jauh bezanya meletakkan kedudukan kita dengan makhluk ciptaan-Nya yang lain, masih tidak boleh terjangkau akal pendek mahupun panjang kita terhadap sesuatu ketentuan yang telah ditetapkan oleh-Nya. Kadang yang kita rancang itu boleh berubah atur jalannya, kadang yang sesuatu yang kita tidak tersangka-sangkakan boleh berlaku dalam sekelip mata tanpa kita sedari. Belum sempat pun kita untuk cuba menggapainya, ia sudah berlalu pergi meninggalkan kita.

Panjang sangat metafora dia ni, let's jump to the story that I'm trying to share here.

A year ago, I lost a very courageous and brave man I ever had in my own personal life, Nek Aki. A super grandpa to 46 (i guess) of his grandchildren, I can say he's such a strong fighter as he battled up with lung cancer for 3 to 4 years long. I remember when he was warded at one of the hospital here, while me and my cousins went outside the house to play games together. He waved at us with a towel as signage, and we were all happy to see him doing so showing that he don't want to give up yet with the evil cancer.

But, life as it is, has their own due date. We lost him last year after the unbearable sights of him that leave us no choice but to let him go to the all Mighty.

Then, came the grieving phase. It can cause quite a confusion to ourselves when we wanted to grief for the lost of our loved ones, but at the same time we're trying to let it go by trying to be happy with the life given by god at the moment. Can you imagine you want to be happy but sometimes sadness knock in and you can't help but to stop for a moment and let yourself to embrace the feeling of missing them, longing to see them and all?

As a results, it leaves us with emptiness. I admit that I was having a hard time adjusting losing nek aki. I gave myself a week staying with my family at kampong, most importantly my mom who we found at times crying, telling us how she miss her father so much. You gotta be there for them at times like this, not letting them being alone and out from your sight. Give strength to each other because god knows it's the only thing you guys needed the most at that time: family and friends support.

Plus, don't stop praying for each others well-being and to gain strength. Both for the deceased and the ones who still stays with us in this worldly life. As quoted from Albus Dumbledore on HP:Deathly Hallow Pt.2 movie,

"Do not pity the dead, Harry. Pity the living, and above all those who live without love." -J. K. Rowling-

I try to find peace in myself while trying to move on with life. Being in my own bubbles of sorrow has turned me into someone who felt hopeless, unable to stand up for myself, anger, confusion, countless of nights having insomnia. The worst part, I forgot that others are trying to cope with everything generally in this life. Hard days tend to turn the best version of ourselves. But, you gotta be soft to be strong (song by MARINA, check her out at Spotify). The people around me, my family and my friends helped me to get through everything. The endless support and wise words of advice from them, I can say if it wasn't because of their prayers for me (and most of us) I couldn't stand a chance to get back up stronger.

You see. We might lose something or someone close to us, but it doesn't make us any lesser than what we have right in front of our eyes. The ability to perform any act, spread kindness to people around us, walk from one place to another, able to fulfil your tummy with sufficient amount of food and drinks, that's called a gift from god. Also known as rezeki. I'm not trying to say that you have to move on by forgetting those who left us. God knows how those people we met whether it's a long or short one bring such a big meaning in our life. One thing you can do for them is to keep on praying for them. Let the memories that we spent and share with them stays in our heart, make it as your catalyst to go on making more memories and histories at the very moment of your own life.

Most importantly during this tough times, don't be too hard on ourselves. Take a moment to embrace all sorts of feelings but don't let it take a toll on you, okay? It just proves how fragile we are as a person. Little did we know, it shows how strong one can be once they decided to give back to life, finding their own strength along the way of facing trials. Let it be sooner or later, each of us have a different pace to overcome challenges and it's okay to take time trying to figure things out.

"It's not about what we get from it. It's all about what we give to life, to ourselves and to the people around us."

Menerima tanpa henti memang tidak akan pernah puas dan cukup, melainkan kita yang bertindak dengan memberi kebaikan. Setiap pemberian itu akan berterusan di kira masuk dalam akaun kehidupan kita, selagi mana ia memberi manfaat bukan sahaja pada diri kita malah orang lain sekali pun.

Sampai di sini sahaja ruang bicara dari seorang Fatina ini, huhu. Harap lebih banyak penulisan dia hasilkan lah, memandangkan idea tu kadang mau dikorek betul-betul sampai ke lubang cacing. Till next time, thank you for reading this!

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p.s; let's stay strong together!